I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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