somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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