You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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