I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
