Me too!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
