I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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