Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
