i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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