You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
