So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
