Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
