shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
