no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
