Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
