I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've blown a few things in my day
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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