I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
