For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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