my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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