i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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