Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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