how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
a search helicopter?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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