It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
