things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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