Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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