break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
