he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
