So drunk, too bad you don't want this
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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