So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
