and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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