Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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