Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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