i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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