I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
