Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
