Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize