There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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