So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
