what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
