Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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