So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
