i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
