Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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