I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
