So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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