nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
