listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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