I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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