I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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