Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
