Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
