Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
