I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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