Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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