i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dicks are not precious.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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