dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize