imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
