He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
