You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
