Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize