Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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