i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
