YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
