quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She even gives head with a lisp.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
