Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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