He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
