Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Farmville is her only friend.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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