Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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