Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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