i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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