There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
