Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
