where am i from again
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
