im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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