That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
