Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
