before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
