Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
