bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
