Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
