Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
