Nicole vs. Life
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
