So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
