So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize