My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
