If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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