he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize