Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
