I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
