so explain again why im purple
no
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
