My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
