i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
