vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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