That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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