The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
