There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
