I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
