I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
