its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
