she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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