your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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