How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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